When your Beloved Love Someone Else!

READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I’m an engineer for an aerospace company. I met Monica at a software convention. Our first date was lunch; I kept things light and used some wacky humor. I waited 10 days before calling her again and kept the call to 10 minutes. She wanted to e-mail back and forth “to get to know each other better,” but I laughed that off and said “E-mail is for Star Trek dorks,” which she got a kick out of. I called again a week later and invited her on another date. The date went well: I acted like a gentleman, was well-dressed, and we got to know each other more. She took me golfing (I hate golf but played along), and I pretty much determined that Monica’s character and personality were top-notch and that she was a Flexible Giver.

IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE

Before I drove back home, she confessed that she hadn’t met anyone like me, but that she had a problem that I ought to know about. I sat and listened, but didn’t encourage any breakdowns. She said that she had dated a man, Tom, four years earlier and that she had fallen deeply in love with him, but he had chosen to marry another woman. Then she went on to confess that she didn’t think she could truly love someone else the same way as Tom ever again.

She said she thought that I was irresistibly attractive and “perfect,” but that Tom was somehow “imprinted” on her brain and that she didn’t know how to get rid of the memory, even after therapy. By the way, Monica is no nutcase. She graduated from a top college and comes from a good family.

PLAYING IT COOL

My response was to give her a hug, tell her it was OK and that we were just getting to know each other casually anyway, which was true. Over the next year, we spent more time developing a romantic relationship of sorts, though we never called it that. In fact, we never called it anything, and never talked about it. Maybe I handled this wrong, but there was a strong attraction between us, and I wanted to keep things casual and avoid the subject of Tom and see if she could get over him. Within eight months, her Interest Level seemed to skyrocket as we spent time together, particularly when she found out that I was dating other women (since we never had any commitment).

My problem now is that I want to marry this girl (although I’ve followed your advice and not blabbed anything about loving her desperately), and I also know that she wants to marry me. But I need to know her current feelings about Tom before plunging in. I fear that bringing him up again won’t lead anywhere good. At the same time, I can’t marry Monica without knowing I’m No. 1 in her life. To further complicate matters, what if someday Tom gets divorced and tries to get Monica back?

AM I IN TOO DEEP?

Tell me, where do I go from here? Did I handle this right, or should I have run in the other direction when the subject of Tom came up in the early stages? This girl’s a keeper, but not if she can’t forget the other guy.

DOC LOVE'S RESPONSE

Hi Delmar,

First of all, it’s great that you passed on Monica’s invitation to sit there e-mailing each other. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says: “Playing with a computer when it comes to women is a big waste of time.” Plus, it’s an anti-challenge. Unfortunately, that’s the only thing you did right.

Now let me just get this straight before we go any further. After two dates, you’re swooning over a woman’s character? Dude, you know nothing whatsoever about this woman after two dates. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says: “After spending about seven hours with a babe you have her all figured out? No way, Jose!”

SHE'S NOT AVAILABLE

But let’s move on. When Monica told you that she could never again love a man like she loved Tom, it meant she is not available. That’s what you’re telling me here, Delmar, and more importantly, that’s what Monica was telling you. Monica has the hots for a man who broke her heart. You know what “The System” says about that, right? No ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands lurking in the background. When Monica tells you that Tom is imprinted on her brain and that she can’t forget about him even after she lay on a shrink’s couch for years, that sure sounds like lurking to me. In fact, that’s more than lurking in the background -- Tom is right there in the room with you and Monica! It means that she’s going to be in love with Tom for the rest of her life and that you don’t stand a chance. But at least Monica was being honest. She was right up-front with you and told you that she’s really not on the market.

My friend, you don’t know anything about Monica’s family because you haven’t even met them. Again, you’re jumping to conclusions. And just because she got straight A's at Princeton doesn’t mean she can’t be a nutcase when it comes to romantic love. Remember that Joran van der Sloot went to college, came from a good family and that his father was a top judge in Aruba. What does that tell you?

When you say you were just getting to know each other casually, you’re rationalizing. A romantic relationship “of sorts” means that it’s not a romantic relationship at all. You might have thought there was a strong attraction between you and Monica, but there was a stronger attraction between her and Tom -- which means you’re No. 2, man. Why would you want to be No. 2 to anybody?

SHE'S NOT INTO YOU

Yet, in the face of all this stuff, you still want to marry this girl who’s carrying a torch for someone else. I can definitely tell you haven’t read my book, because if you had, you wouldn’t be making a blunder this huge! And I have news for you, Delmar: You are desperate -- because Monica digs somebody else. And if she wants to marry you, then she’s even nuttier than you are. That’s obvious because she’s in love with someone else and keeps going out with you.

If Tom ever got divorced, you’d better watch out, because Monica would dump you for him in a heartbeat. Tom is No. 1, not you, guy. Do you really want to always live in his shadow?

Where do you go from here? You have to get “The System,” memorize it and forget this girl. She’s a complete waste of time. No, you didn’t handle this thing right -- you handled it horribly. Of course you should have run in the other direction when she told you about Tom, but you didn’t. And like my cousin Rabbi Love says: “She’s not a keeper at all -- she’s already kept by another guy.”

Remember, guys: For a girl to fall in love with you, she has to be available.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years, Doc Love has asked thousands of women: “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

When your Beloved Love Someone Else!

READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I’m an engineer for an aerospace company. I met Monica at a software convention. Our first date was lunch; I kept things light and used some wacky humor. I waited 10 days before calling her again and kept the call to 10 minutes. She wanted to e-mail back and forth “to get to know each other better,” but I laughed that off and said “E-mail is for Star Trek dorks,” which she got a kick out of. I called again a week later and invited her on another date. The date went well: I acted like a gentleman, was well-dressed, and we got to know each other more. She took me golfing (I hate golf but played along), and I pretty much determined that Monica’s character and personality were top-notch and that she was a Flexible Giver.

IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE

Before I drove back home, she confessed that she hadn’t met anyone like me, but that she had a problem that I ought to know about. I sat and listened, but didn’t encourage any breakdowns. She said that she had dated a man, Tom, four years earlier and that she had fallen deeply in love with him, but he had chosen to marry another woman. Then she went on to confess that she didn’t think she could truly love someone else the same way as Tom ever again.

She said she thought that I was irresistibly attractive and “perfect,” but that Tom was somehow “imprinted” on her brain and that she didn’t know how to get rid of the memory, even after therapy. By the way, Monica is no nutcase. She graduated from a top college and comes from a good family.

PLAYING IT COOL

My response was to give her a hug, tell her it was OK and that we were just getting to know each other casually anyway, which was true. Over the next year, we spent more time developing a romantic relationship of sorts, though we never called it that. In fact, we never called it anything, and never talked about it. Maybe I handled this wrong, but there was a strong attraction between us, and I wanted to keep things casual and avoid the subject of Tom and see if she could get over him. Within eight months, her Interest Level seemed to skyrocket as we spent time together, particularly when she found out that I was dating other women (since we never had any commitment).

My problem now is that I want to marry this girl (although I’ve followed your advice and not blabbed anything about loving her desperately), and I also know that she wants to marry me. But I need to know her current feelings about Tom before plunging in. I fear that bringing him up again won’t lead anywhere good. At the same time, I can’t marry Monica without knowing I’m No. 1 in her life. To further complicate matters, what if someday Tom gets divorced and tries to get Monica back?

AM I IN TOO DEEP?

Tell me, where do I go from here? Did I handle this right, or should I have run in the other direction when the subject of Tom came up in the early stages? This girl’s a keeper, but not if she can’t forget the other guy.

DOC LOVE'S RESPONSE

Hi Delmar,

First of all, it’s great that you passed on Monica’s invitation to sit there e-mailing each other. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says: “Playing with a computer when it comes to women is a big waste of time.” Plus, it’s an anti-challenge. Unfortunately, that’s the only thing you did right.

Now let me just get this straight before we go any further. After two dates, you’re swooning over a woman’s character? Dude, you know nothing whatsoever about this woman after two dates. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says: “After spending about seven hours with a babe you have her all figured out? No way, Jose!”

SHE'S NOT AVAILABLE

But let’s move on. When Monica told you that she could never again love a man like she loved Tom, it meant she is not available. That’s what you’re telling me here, Delmar, and more importantly, that’s what Monica was telling you. Monica has the hots for a man who broke her heart. You know what “The System” says about that, right? No ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands lurking in the background. When Monica tells you that Tom is imprinted on her brain and that she can’t forget about him even after she lay on a shrink’s couch for years, that sure sounds like lurking to me. In fact, that’s more than lurking in the background -- Tom is right there in the room with you and Monica! It means that she’s going to be in love with Tom for the rest of her life and that you don’t stand a chance. But at least Monica was being honest. She was right up-front with you and told you that she’s really not on the market.

My friend, you don’t know anything about Monica’s family because you haven’t even met them. Again, you’re jumping to conclusions. And just because she got straight A's at Princeton doesn’t mean she can’t be a nutcase when it comes to romantic love. Remember that Joran van der Sloot went to college, came from a good family and that his father was a top judge in Aruba. What does that tell you?

When you say you were just getting to know each other casually, you’re rationalizing. A romantic relationship “of sorts” means that it’s not a romantic relationship at all. You might have thought there was a strong attraction between you and Monica, but there was a stronger attraction between her and Tom -- which means you’re No. 2, man. Why would you want to be No. 2 to anybody?

SHE'S NOT INTO YOU

Yet, in the face of all this stuff, you still want to marry this girl who’s carrying a torch for someone else. I can definitely tell you haven’t read my book, because if you had, you wouldn’t be making a blunder this huge! And I have news for you, Delmar: You are desperate -- because Monica digs somebody else. And if she wants to marry you, then she’s even nuttier than you are. That’s obvious because she’s in love with someone else and keeps going out with you.

If Tom ever got divorced, you’d better watch out, because Monica would dump you for him in a heartbeat. Tom is No. 1, not you, guy. Do you really want to always live in his shadow?

Where do you go from here? You have to get “The System,” memorize it and forget this girl. She’s a complete waste of time. No, you didn’t handle this thing right -- you handled it horribly. Of course you should have run in the other direction when she told you about Tom, but you didn’t. And like my cousin Rabbi Love says: “She’s not a keeper at all -- she’s already kept by another guy.”

Remember, guys: For a girl to fall in love with you, she has to be available.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years, Doc Love has asked thousands of women: “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

When your Beloved Want to Jealous You!

Jealousy is a hot-button issue when it comes to relationships, especially when the topic veers over to whether or not girls actually want their guys to get jealous from time to time. It's not an outrageous question and women have requested crazier things in life than that. However, it also simplifies the issue and the actual mind of a woman, which is nothing if not complex (take that as a good or bad thing). Women aren't asking for the green-eyed monster; in reality, they want the cute, cuddly Sesame Street version. We're here to break down the difference between the cutesy jealousy most women desire and the real jealousy they want you to stay far, far away from.

CUTESY JEALOUSY

If you went up to the average gal on the street and asked her: "Do women want men to get jealous?” there's a good shot she'd say yes. No, that is not the end of this article. This fact actually means very little because, as is often the case, most women have no clue what they really want. Do women want to be appreciated by their men? Yes. Do they want to feel attractive to the man they've been dating for a long time? Of course. Would the average women want her man to express mild concern over her (innocently) hanging out with another guy? Sure. However, here's where things get tricky: A woman may think she wants her man to get jealous -- but the jealousy she's after is cutesy jealousy. It bears little resemblance to actual jealousy and may or may not make the female race more annoying to you than ever before. Here’s what can fall under cutesy jealousy.

Sweet territorialism

You're at the bar with your girlfriend and a bunch of friends and you notice a few other guys checking her out as she heads back to your table with drinks. When she arrives back at the table, you throw an arm over her shoulders. This simple move says: "Yes, I notice you're looking hot tonight and yes, I also notice you're getting looks from other guys." It's silent and sweet. You know what's not silent and sweet? Acting like a douche and getting in the face of any of those aforementioned guys over looking at your girl. This isn’t an episode of The Sopranos.

Confident joking

Your girl is all dolled up and ready to head out for a girl's night out. She kisses you goodbye and you smile and say: “Watch out for other penises!” It’s ridiculous and funny, and even if you’re not entirely serious about it (because you trust her, not because you think she’s an ugly hag who can’t get other guys), it still shows you care.

Bottom line

Don't listen to women (kidding... but not really. Make exceptions for your mother and this section of the site, of course). Unless your (crazy) chick is into Ike and Tina role-play, she's not craving real jealousy from you.

REAL JEALOUSY

Real jealousy and cutesy jealousy have absolutely zero in common with each other. Real jealousy is often suffocating and sometimes completely psycho at whatever stage of the relationship you’re at. For those on the prowl or just starting to date a new girl, playing it a little cool and disinterested will be much more beneficial to your overall game than being overprotective and territorial. For guys in long-term relationships, the lack of trust exhibited in real jealousy can completely ruin any partnership. Here are the red-flag behaviors to steer clear of.

Out-of-control anger

If you find yourself resembling the Hulk at any point in a relationship, it’s time to back away slowly. Real jealousy rears its ugly head when either partner becomes uncontrollably angry for no justifiable reason. And it doesn’t count if it’s only justifiable to you.

Invisible suitors

Are you automatically assuming that every male your girlfriend comes in contact with is a risk who might take her away from you? Even if there isn’t a male in question, does your mind get carried away imagining that there will be a male wherever she happens to go without you? If so, you’re heading into the danger zone. Irrational jealousy accomplishes nothing except making you seem insecure -- and it sure as hell won’t stop a girl from cheating if she’s planning to already. In fact, it might even drive her to it.

Bottom line

Jealousy equals insecurity. Insecurity equals unattractive. You really can use math in real life.

GREEN WITH ENVY

Women may not always know what they want, but you can be sure that they know what they don't want -- and that’s an insecure, jealous guy who is capable of a real-life Jekyll & Hyde routine. Jealousy can be smothering and unattractive at the start of relationships and downright destructive in long-term ones. Don't feel like trusting a female on this conclusion? Check out one of AskMen's expert takes on the topic ofjealousy troubles. See? No jealousy here.

When your Beloved Want to Jealous You!

Jealousy is a hot-button issue when it comes to relationships, especially when the topic veers over to whether or not girls actually want their guys to get jealous from time to time. It's not an outrageous question and women have requested crazier things in life than that. However, it also simplifies the issue and the actual mind of a woman, which is nothing if not complex (take that as a good or bad thing). Women aren't asking for the green-eyed monster; in reality, they want the cute, cuddly Sesame Street version. We're here to break down the difference between the cutesy jealousy most women desire and the real jealousy they want you to stay far, far away from.

CUTESY JEALOUSY

If you went up to the average gal on the street and asked her: "Do women want men to get jealous?” there's a good shot she'd say yes. No, that is not the end of this article. This fact actually means very little because, as is often the case, most women have no clue what they really want. Do women want to be appreciated by their men? Yes. Do they want to feel attractive to the man they've been dating for a long time? Of course. Would the average women want her man to express mild concern over her (innocently) hanging out with another guy? Sure. However, here's where things get tricky: A woman may think she wants her man to get jealous -- but the jealousy she's after is cutesy jealousy. It bears little resemblance to actual jealousy and may or may not make the female race more annoying to you than ever before. Here’s what can fall under cutesy jealousy.

Sweet territorialism

You're at the bar with your girlfriend and a bunch of friends and you notice a few other guys checking her out as she heads back to your table with drinks. When she arrives back at the table, you throw an arm over her shoulders. This simple move says: "Yes, I notice you're looking hot tonight and yes, I also notice you're getting looks from other guys." It's silent and sweet. You know what's not silent and sweet? Acting like a douche and getting in the face of any of those aforementioned guys over looking at your girl. This isn’t an episode of The Sopranos.

Confident joking

Your girl is all dolled up and ready to head out for a girl's night out. She kisses you goodbye and you smile and say: “Watch out for other penises!” It’s ridiculous and funny, and even if you’re not entirely serious about it (because you trust her, not because you think she’s an ugly hag who can’t get other guys), it still shows you care.

Bottom line

Don't listen to women (kidding... but not really. Make exceptions for your mother and this section of the site, of course). Unless your (crazy) chick is into Ike and Tina role-play, she's not craving real jealousy from you.

REAL JEALOUSY

Real jealousy and cutesy jealousy have absolutely zero in common with each other. Real jealousy is often suffocating and sometimes completely psycho at whatever stage of the relationship you’re at. For those on the prowl or just starting to date a new girl, playing it a little cool and disinterested will be much more beneficial to your overall game than being overprotective and territorial. For guys in long-term relationships, the lack of trust exhibited in real jealousy can completely ruin any partnership. Here are the red-flag behaviors to steer clear of.

Out-of-control anger

If you find yourself resembling the Hulk at any point in a relationship, it’s time to back away slowly. Real jealousy rears its ugly head when either partner becomes uncontrollably angry for no justifiable reason. And it doesn’t count if it’s only justifiable to you.

Invisible suitors

Are you automatically assuming that every male your girlfriend comes in contact with is a risk who might take her away from you? Even if there isn’t a male in question, does your mind get carried away imagining that there will be a male wherever she happens to go without you? If so, you’re heading into the danger zone. Irrational jealousy accomplishes nothing except making you seem insecure -- and it sure as hell won’t stop a girl from cheating if she’s planning to already. In fact, it might even drive her to it.

Bottom line

Jealousy equals insecurity. Insecurity equals unattractive. You really can use math in real life.

GREEN WITH ENVY

Women may not always know what they want, but you can be sure that they know what they don't want -- and that’s an insecure, jealous guy who is capable of a real-life Jekyll & Hyde routine. Jealousy can be smothering and unattractive at the start of relationships and downright destructive in long-term ones. Don't feel like trusting a female on this conclusion? Check out one of AskMen's expert takes on the topic ofjealousy troubles. See? No jealousy here.

Tips for Happy Life Great

Tips for Happy Life

What is the secret ingredient for a "happy marriage?" As famous authors offer their opinions, you realize that marriage is complicated. We all want happy marriages, but we don't know where to start. Read these marriage quotes and find out how to reach the golden gates of a "happy marriage."

Ann Landers

All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest, never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.

Friedrich Nietzsche

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

Gay Hendricks

One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is that couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. In fact, arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy, so that the couple does not have to take the courageous, creative leap into an unknown they fear. Arguing serves the function of being a zone of familiarity into which you can retreat when you are afraid of making a creative breakthrough.

Harriet Martineau

Any one must see at a glance that if men and women marry those whom they do not love, they must love those whom they do not marry.

John Berger

All weddings are similar, but every marriage is different.

Joseph Barth

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.

Josh McDowell

What you are as a single person, you will be as a married person, only to a greater degree. Any negative character trait will be intensified in a marriage relationship, because you will feel free to let your guard down -- that person has committed himself to you and you no longer have to worry about scaring him off.

Louis K Anspacher

Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.

Mark Twain

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

Mignon McLaughlin

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Mohandas K Gandhi

I first learned the concept of non-violence in my marriage.

Tips for Happy Life Great

Tips for Happy Life

What is the secret ingredient for a "happy marriage?" As famous authors offer their opinions, you realize that marriage is complicated. We all want happy marriages, but we don't know where to start. Read these marriage quotes and find out how to reach the golden gates of a "happy marriage."

Ann Landers

All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest, never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.

Friedrich Nietzsche

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

Gay Hendricks

One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is that couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. In fact, arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy, so that the couple does not have to take the courageous, creative leap into an unknown they fear. Arguing serves the function of being a zone of familiarity into which you can retreat when you are afraid of making a creative breakthrough.

Harriet Martineau

Any one must see at a glance that if men and women marry those whom they do not love, they must love those whom they do not marry.

John Berger

All weddings are similar, but every marriage is different.

Joseph Barth

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.

Josh McDowell

What you are as a single person, you will be as a married person, only to a greater degree. Any negative character trait will be intensified in a marriage relationship, because you will feel free to let your guard down -- that person has committed himself to you and you no longer have to worry about scaring him off.

Louis K Anspacher

Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.

Mark Twain

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

Mignon McLaughlin

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Mohandas K Gandhi

I first learned the concept of non-violence in my marriage.

10 Methods to Speed up Your Reading

Here are 10 easy ways to read faster when you study. Even if you use only a few of these ideas, you'll be reading faster and studying more effectively. Read faster when you study with these 10 ideas.

1. Read only the first sentence of a paragraph.

If your author is good author, he or she will begin each paragraph with a key statement that tells you what that paragraph is about. By reading only the first sentence, you can determine if the paragraph has information you need to know.

If you're reading literature, this still applies, but know that you may miss details that enrich the story. When the language in literature is artful, I would choose to read every word.

Classic Literature

Contemporary Literaure

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2. Skip to the last sentence of the paragraph.

The last sentence in a paragraph should also contain clues for you about the importance of the material covered. A last sentence often serves two functions -- it wraps up the thought expressed and provides a connection to the next paragraph.

3. Read phrases.

When you've skimmed first and last sentences and determined the paragraph is worth reading, you still don't need to read every word. Move your eyes quickly over each line and look for phrases and key words. Your mind will automatically fill in the words between.

4. Ignore the little words.

Ignore the little words like it, to, a, an, and, be -- you know the ones. You don't need them. Your brain will see these little words without acknowledgment.

5. Look for key points.

Look for key points while you're reading for phrases. You're probably already aware of the key words in the subject you're studying. They'll pop out at you. Spend a little more time with the material around those key points.

6. Mark key thoughts in the margins.

I know you were taught not to write in your books, and some books should be kept pristine, but a textbook is for studying. Mark key thoughts in the margins. If it makes you feel better, use a pencil. Even better, buy a packet of those little stickie tabs and slap one on the page with a short note.

When it's time to review, simply read through your tabs.

If you're renting your textbooks, make sure you understand the rules, or you may have bought yourself a book.

5 Places to Rent Your Textbooks

7. Use all the tools provided -- lists, bullets, sidebars.

Use all the tools the author provides -- lists, bullets, sidebars, anything extra in the margins. Authors usually pull out key points for special treatment. They're clues to important information. Use them all. Besides, lists are usually easier to remember.

8. Take notes for practice tests.

Take notes for writing your own practice tests. When you read something you know will show up on a test, write it down in the form of a question. Note the page number beside it so you can check your answers if necessary.

Keep a list of these key questions and you'll have written your own practice test.

Write Your Own Practice Test

Test Prep

9. Read with good posture.

Reading with good posture helps you read longer and stay awake longer. If you're slumped over, your body is working extra hard to breathe and do all the other automatic things it doesn't ask your help with. Give your body a break. Sit in a healthy way and you'll last a lot longer.

As much as I love to read in bed, it puts me to sleep. If reading puts you to sleep, too, don't read lying down. You don't need me to tell you that, I know.

10. Practice, practice, practice.

Reading fast takes practice, practice, practice. Try it when you've got nothing on the line, when you're not pressured with a deadline. Practice when you're reading the newspaper. Like music lessons or learning a new language, practice makes all the difference.

10 Methods to Speed up Your Reading

Here are 10 easy ways to read faster when you study. Even if you use only a few of these ideas, you'll be reading faster and studying more effectively. Read faster when you study with these 10 ideas.

1. Read only the first sentence of a paragraph.

If your author is good author, he or she will begin each paragraph with a key statement that tells you what that paragraph is about. By reading only the first sentence, you can determine if the paragraph has information you need to know.

If you're reading literature, this still applies, but know that you may miss details that enrich the story. When the language in literature is artful, I would choose to read every word.

Classic Literature

Contemporary Literaure

Sponsored Links

Further Finance Studies?

Pursue Your Interest In Islamic Finance & Shariah Principles.

www.INCEIF.org

REACH Registration Dossie

We offer assistants to use/collect available Japanese OECD TG/GLP data

www.cerij.or.jp/ceri_en/gyou

Harrow School Beijing

A Levels (age 16-18): The path to universities worldwide

www.HarrowBeijing.cn

2. Skip to the last sentence of the paragraph.

The last sentence in a paragraph should also contain clues for you about the importance of the material covered. A last sentence often serves two functions -- it wraps up the thought expressed and provides a connection to the next paragraph.

3. Read phrases.

When you've skimmed first and last sentences and determined the paragraph is worth reading, you still don't need to read every word. Move your eyes quickly over each line and look for phrases and key words. Your mind will automatically fill in the words between.

4. Ignore the little words.

Ignore the little words like it, to, a, an, and, be -- you know the ones. You don't need them. Your brain will see these little words without acknowledgment.

5. Look for key points.

Look for key points while you're reading for phrases. You're probably already aware of the key words in the subject you're studying. They'll pop out at you. Spend a little more time with the material around those key points.

6. Mark key thoughts in the margins.

I know you were taught not to write in your books, and some books should be kept pristine, but a textbook is for studying. Mark key thoughts in the margins. If it makes you feel better, use a pencil. Even better, buy a packet of those little stickie tabs and slap one on the page with a short note.

When it's time to review, simply read through your tabs.

If you're renting your textbooks, make sure you understand the rules, or you may have bought yourself a book.

5 Places to Rent Your Textbooks

7. Use all the tools provided -- lists, bullets, sidebars.

Use all the tools the author provides -- lists, bullets, sidebars, anything extra in the margins. Authors usually pull out key points for special treatment. They're clues to important information. Use them all. Besides, lists are usually easier to remember.

8. Take notes for practice tests.

Take notes for writing your own practice tests. When you read something you know will show up on a test, write it down in the form of a question. Note the page number beside it so you can check your answers if necessary.

Keep a list of these key questions and you'll have written your own practice test.

Write Your Own Practice Test

Test Prep

9. Read with good posture.

Reading with good posture helps you read longer and stay awake longer. If you're slumped over, your body is working extra hard to breathe and do all the other automatic things it doesn't ask your help with. Give your body a break. Sit in a healthy way and you'll last a lot longer.

As much as I love to read in bed, it puts me to sleep. If reading puts you to sleep, too, don't read lying down. You don't need me to tell you that, I know.

10. Practice, practice, practice.

Reading fast takes practice, practice, practice. Try it when you've got nothing on the line, when you're not pressured with a deadline. Practice when you're reading the newspaper. Like music lessons or learning a new language, practice makes all the difference.

10 Ways Leading To Be a Great Student

You've decided to go back to school. Dare to be the best student you can possibly be. Here are 10 ways to be a great student.

1. Take Hard Classes

You're paying good money for an education, make sure you get one. There will be classes that are required for your major, of course, but you will have a fair number of electives as well. Don't take classes simply to accrue credits. Take the classes that really teach you something.

Be passionate about learning.

I once had an advisor that said to me when I expressed fear of a difficult class, "Do you want to get an education or not?"

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2. Show Up, Every Time

Make your classes your highest priority.

If you've got children, I understand that this isn't always possible. Children should always come first. But if you don't show up for your classes, you're not getting that education we discussed in No. 1.

Make sure you've got a good plan for seeing that your children are cared for when you're scheduled to be in class, and when you need to study. It really is possible to raise children while you're going to school. People do it every day.

3. Sit in the Front Row

If you happen to be shy, sitting in the front row can be very uncomfortable at first, but I promise you, it's one of the best ways to pay attention to everything being taught. You can hear better. You can see everything on the board without having to crane your neck around the head in front of you.

You can make eye contact with the professor. Don't underestimate the power of this. If your teacher knows you're really listening and that you care about what you're learning, he or she will be extra willing to help you. Besides, it'll feel like you've got your own private teacher.

4. Ask Questions

Ask questions immediately if you don't understand something. If you're in the front row and have been making eye contact, your instructor probably already knows by the look on your face that you don't understand something. A polite raising of your hand is all you need to do to indicate you've got a question.

If it isn't appropriate to interrupt, make a quick note of your question so you don't forget, and ask later.

Having said this, don't make a pest of yourself. Nobody wants to hear you ask a question every 10 minutes. If you're completely lost, make an appointment to see your teacher after class.

5. Create a Study Space

Carve out a place at home that is your study space. If you've got a family around you, make sure everyone understands that when you're in that space, you're not to be interrupted unless the house is on fire.

Create a space that helps you make the most of your study time. Do you need absolute quiet or do you prefer to have loud music playing? Do you like working at the kitchen table in the midst of everything or do you a quiet room with the door shut? Know your own style and create the space you need.

6. Do All the Work, Plus More

Do your homework. Read the assigned pages, and then some. Plug your topic into the Internet, grab another book at the library, and see what else you can learn about the subject.

Turn your work in on time. If extra credit work is offered, do that too.

I know this takes time, but it'll ensure you really know your stuff. And that's why you're going to school. Right?

7. Make Practice Tests

While you're studying, pay attention to the material you know will be on a test and write a quick practice question. Start a new document on your laptop and add questions as you think of them.

When you're ready to study for a test, you'll have a practice test ready. Brilliant.

8. Form or Join a Study Group

A lot of people study better with others. If that's you, form a study group in your class or join one that's already organized.

There are lots of benefits to studying in a group. You have to be organized. You can't procrastinate. You have to really understand something to be able to explain it out loud to someone else. Grace Fleming, About.com's Guide to Homework and Study Tips, has a great article on Study Groups.

9. Use One Planner

I don't know about you, but if I had a separate calendar for work, school and life, I'd be complete mess. When everything in your life is on one calendar, in one planner, you can't double-book anything. You know, like an important test and a dinner with your boss. The test trumps, by the way.

Get a great calendar or planner with enough room for several daily entries. Keep it with you at all times.

10. Meditate

One of the best things you can do to improve your entire life, not just school, is meditate. Fifteen minutes a day is all you need to feel calm, centered and confident. If you don't know how, here's an easy way to learn: How to Meditate.

Meditate any time, but 15 minutes before you study, 15 minutes before class, 15 minutes before a test, and you'll be amazed at how well you can perform as a student.

10 Ways Leading To Be a Great Student

You've decided to go back to school. Dare to be the best student you can possibly be. Here are 10 ways to be a great student.

1. Take Hard Classes

You're paying good money for an education, make sure you get one. There will be classes that are required for your major, of course, but you will have a fair number of electives as well. Don't take classes simply to accrue credits. Take the classes that really teach you something.

Be passionate about learning.

I once had an advisor that said to me when I expressed fear of a difficult class, "Do you want to get an education or not?"

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2. Show Up, Every Time

Make your classes your highest priority.

If you've got children, I understand that this isn't always possible. Children should always come first. But if you don't show up for your classes, you're not getting that education we discussed in No. 1.

Make sure you've got a good plan for seeing that your children are cared for when you're scheduled to be in class, and when you need to study. It really is possible to raise children while you're going to school. People do it every day.

3. Sit in the Front Row

If you happen to be shy, sitting in the front row can be very uncomfortable at first, but I promise you, it's one of the best ways to pay attention to everything being taught. You can hear better. You can see everything on the board without having to crane your neck around the head in front of you.

You can make eye contact with the professor. Don't underestimate the power of this. If your teacher knows you're really listening and that you care about what you're learning, he or she will be extra willing to help you. Besides, it'll feel like you've got your own private teacher.

4. Ask Questions

Ask questions immediately if you don't understand something. If you're in the front row and have been making eye contact, your instructor probably already knows by the look on your face that you don't understand something. A polite raising of your hand is all you need to do to indicate you've got a question.

If it isn't appropriate to interrupt, make a quick note of your question so you don't forget, and ask later.

Having said this, don't make a pest of yourself. Nobody wants to hear you ask a question every 10 minutes. If you're completely lost, make an appointment to see your teacher after class.

5. Create a Study Space

Carve out a place at home that is your study space. If you've got a family around you, make sure everyone understands that when you're in that space, you're not to be interrupted unless the house is on fire.

Create a space that helps you make the most of your study time. Do you need absolute quiet or do you prefer to have loud music playing? Do you like working at the kitchen table in the midst of everything or do you a quiet room with the door shut? Know your own style and create the space you need.

6. Do All the Work, Plus More

Do your homework. Read the assigned pages, and then some. Plug your topic into the Internet, grab another book at the library, and see what else you can learn about the subject.

Turn your work in on time. If extra credit work is offered, do that too.

I know this takes time, but it'll ensure you really know your stuff. And that's why you're going to school. Right?

7. Make Practice Tests

While you're studying, pay attention to the material you know will be on a test and write a quick practice question. Start a new document on your laptop and add questions as you think of them.

When you're ready to study for a test, you'll have a practice test ready. Brilliant.

8. Form or Join a Study Group

A lot of people study better with others. If that's you, form a study group in your class or join one that's already organized.

There are lots of benefits to studying in a group. You have to be organized. You can't procrastinate. You have to really understand something to be able to explain it out loud to someone else. Grace Fleming, About.com's Guide to Homework and Study Tips, has a great article on Study Groups.

9. Use One Planner

I don't know about you, but if I had a separate calendar for work, school and life, I'd be complete mess. When everything in your life is on one calendar, in one planner, you can't double-book anything. You know, like an important test and a dinner with your boss. The test trumps, by the way.

Get a great calendar or planner with enough room for several daily entries. Keep it with you at all times.

10. Meditate

One of the best things you can do to improve your entire life, not just school, is meditate. Fifteen minutes a day is all you need to feel calm, centered and confident. If you don't know how, here's an easy way to learn: How to Meditate.

Meditate any time, but 15 minutes before you study, 15 minutes before class, 15 minutes before a test, and you'll be amazed at how well you can perform as a student.

Get the Best Beech Physique

The major muscle groups you should focus on are, in order of importance, your abs, chest, biceps, triceps, back, and shoulders. These are all the important muscles in your upper body and the ones that get noticed most.By performing a full upper body workout up to three times a week, you will be sure to hit each muscle frequently enough to see some fast changes, but still allow enough time between sessions for recovery.

Also, since you will hit your triceps and biceps during some chest and back exercises (the ones known as multi-joint exercises), you will indirectly be stimulating more than one muscle group in a single exercise.If you are short on time, your best bet is to perform a single set of at least one exercise for each body part.

This will still allow you to target all the major muscles and will help you maintain your strength. Here is a list of some great exercises that will give you the most bang for your buck as you try to get the perfect beach physique.

Get the Best Beech Physique

The major muscle groups you should focus on are, in order of importance, your abs, chest, biceps, triceps, back, and shoulders. These are all the important muscles in your upper body and the ones that get noticed most.By performing a full upper body workout up to three times a week, you will be sure to hit each muscle frequently enough to see some fast changes, but still allow enough time between sessions for recovery.

Also, since you will hit your triceps and biceps during some chest and back exercises (the ones known as multi-joint exercises), you will indirectly be stimulating more than one muscle group in a single exercise.If you are short on time, your best bet is to perform a single set of at least one exercise for each body part.

This will still allow you to target all the major muscles and will help you maintain your strength. Here is a list of some great exercises that will give you the most bang for your buck as you try to get the perfect beach physique.

How Can You Make Your House Neat and Clean

Lately, I've been surrounded by a lot of talk about organization and cleaning. I've also been surrounded by a pretty dirty house and a lack of motivation to do much about it. But school is starting soon, the lazy summer is almost over and I feel like I need to do something about it.

I didn't always feel this way, though. My childhood exposed me to several different cleaning styles. My mom didn't care about cleaning too much. My stepmother was pretty much obsessed with it. And then I spent years in a dorm where everybody had chores but it wasn't the end of the world if things got a little messy now and then. When I ventured out on my own, keeping a tidy abode was the last thing on my mind.

Until I had my son. Then I became worried about every little thing that was on the floor. I was scared to death he was going to choke on some tiny thing I'd neglected to vacuum. And, of course, being so close to the floor, he proved time and time again just how capable he was of finding tiny specks of leaves, paper and whatever else I'd missed.

Time was certainly a factor as well. Once he hit the 12-month mark, he hit the ground running - literally - and never seemed to stop. I followed, but most of the time I was too tired to bring the broom and dustpan along with me. I decided to find a compromise that factored in safety, cleanliness and sanity. Other mothers I know have done the same thing to varying degrees and the funny thing is, all of our kids seem to be doing just fine. Even the mom who sweeps and mops her kitchen floor every day. Even the mom who really does have a kitchen counter underneath there, somewhere. Even me.

How Can You Make Your House Neat and Clean

Lately, I've been surrounded by a lot of talk about organization and cleaning. I've also been surrounded by a pretty dirty house and a lack of motivation to do much about it. But school is starting soon, the lazy summer is almost over and I feel like I need to do something about it.

I didn't always feel this way, though. My childhood exposed me to several different cleaning styles. My mom didn't care about cleaning too much. My stepmother was pretty much obsessed with it. And then I spent years in a dorm where everybody had chores but it wasn't the end of the world if things got a little messy now and then. When I ventured out on my own, keeping a tidy abode was the last thing on my mind.

Until I had my son. Then I became worried about every little thing that was on the floor. I was scared to death he was going to choke on some tiny thing I'd neglected to vacuum. And, of course, being so close to the floor, he proved time and time again just how capable he was of finding tiny specks of leaves, paper and whatever else I'd missed.

Time was certainly a factor as well. Once he hit the 12-month mark, he hit the ground running - literally - and never seemed to stop. I followed, but most of the time I was too tired to bring the broom and dustpan along with me. I decided to find a compromise that factored in safety, cleanliness and sanity. Other mothers I know have done the same thing to varying degrees and the funny thing is, all of our kids seem to be doing just fine. Even the mom who sweeps and mops her kitchen floor every day. Even the mom who really does have a kitchen counter underneath there, somewhere. Even me.

May be your child is not ready for Potty Training

A mother writes: "My child is potty training today. We have stuffed her full of drinks and she pees about every 10 to 15 minutes. She has used the potty several times when we take her to it at timed intervals. She does not seem to understand that when she feels the urge, she should go sit on the potty herself. She pees wherever she is sitting (a few times on us) and does not seem to mind. I do not want to 'catch' her pee all day long. What do you suggest we do??"

I get questions like this quite frequently. The answer I have, however, may not be one that many parents want to hear. What you should do is stop potty training.

Yes. Stop. But don't look at it as quitting or as a setback. Think of it more like taking a break.

The reason: Your child is not ready to potty train yet.

There are many signs of readiness and among those are:

Interest and desire, which means that she wants to go to the potty and is not indifferent to peeing on your lap. She should be talking about it and asking questions and showing curiosity about potty "things" like the toilet, underwear, toilet paper and the flush handle.

Longer periods of dryness, which means not giving her excess fluids. If she's staying dry on her own for two to three hours at a time, then her bladder capacity is increasing. In addition, it makes for more opportunities for success and less opportunity for failure if she's not going to the bathroom every 10 to 15 minutes.

Awareness, which means she recognizes when she's wet or poopy first, and then later in time recognizes the urges that come before she's wet and poopy. She also has to be able to connect the urges to the act AND be able to move herself to the bathroom after making that connection.

If you take the process of using the bathroom and break it down into its many steps, you can see why potty training is such a process for a young child's mind and why it takes time and practice to gain mastery.

So, for now, unless you are practicing an alternate method of potty training that is more parent-centered than child-centered and requires you to "catch" your child peeing (like Infant Potty Training) take a break and return to potty training when your child's mind and body is completely ready to take on the task. It will be so much less stressful for both of you if you can wait.

May be your child is not ready for Potty Training

A mother writes: "My child is potty training today. We have stuffed her full of drinks and she pees about every 10 to 15 minutes. She has used the potty several times when we take her to it at timed intervals. She does not seem to understand that when she feels the urge, she should go sit on the potty herself. She pees wherever she is sitting (a few times on us) and does not seem to mind. I do not want to 'catch' her pee all day long. What do you suggest we do??"

I get questions like this quite frequently. The answer I have, however, may not be one that many parents want to hear. What you should do is stop potty training.

Yes. Stop. But don't look at it as quitting or as a setback. Think of it more like taking a break.

The reason: Your child is not ready to potty train yet.

There are many signs of readiness and among those are:

Interest and desire, which means that she wants to go to the potty and is not indifferent to peeing on your lap. She should be talking about it and asking questions and showing curiosity about potty "things" like the toilet, underwear, toilet paper and the flush handle.

Longer periods of dryness, which means not giving her excess fluids. If she's staying dry on her own for two to three hours at a time, then her bladder capacity is increasing. In addition, it makes for more opportunities for success and less opportunity for failure if she's not going to the bathroom every 10 to 15 minutes.

Awareness, which means she recognizes when she's wet or poopy first, and then later in time recognizes the urges that come before she's wet and poopy. She also has to be able to connect the urges to the act AND be able to move herself to the bathroom after making that connection.

If you take the process of using the bathroom and break it down into its many steps, you can see why potty training is such a process for a young child's mind and why it takes time and practice to gain mastery.

So, for now, unless you are practicing an alternate method of potty training that is more parent-centered than child-centered and requires you to "catch" your child peeing (like Infant Potty Training) take a break and return to potty training when your child's mind and body is completely ready to take on the task. It will be so much less stressful for both of you if you can wait.

Method to Negotiate Others

Why? Because we'll trade you this delicious doorstop for that crummy old Danish...

Negotiating happens on every level of business. You could be setting territories for the five families or looking to get the best price on a new Volkswagen. It doesn’t matter. The same principles stay true in the boardroom, the showroom or in the backroom of the Mulberry Street Social Club. Negotiating is an art.
Discussion:-
Negotiating happens on every level of business. You could be setting territories for the five families or looking to get the best price on a new Volkswagen. It doesn’t matter. The same principles stay true in the boardroom, the showroom or in the backroom of the Mulberry Street Social Club. Negotiating is an art. I’ve seen cafones enter a negotiation with a loose approach, thinking they’ll wing it once the game begins. Marone. These schmucks spend the next half hour grabbing their ankles and walking out paying double or getting half their stake. You need to respect the art form that it is, and anticipate everything that’ll be thrown at you. So, next time you’re playing hardball with the broker, are looking to up the salary or are simply wanting them to throw in the fog lights for free, follow these steps for a successful negotiation.
Structure your argument:-

Like a lawyer structuring his defense, you need to frame your argument before any negotiation. I’m not expecting you to sit down in your study and draw it out on the blackboard, but you should know what strengths you bring to the table. I’m not asking the stunad on the other end to meet my demands because I expect a favor. Marone, you won’t cut a worthy deal with that rationale. You need to frame it in the appropriate manner. You want the landlord to lower the rent? Stress the fact that you’ll be paying on time every month, and a stress-free tenant is worth the discount. And if you can’t find the right angle to take, cut a deal quickly or don’t sit down at all.
Set your boundaries:-

The easiest way to find a sour deal is by sitting down for a discussion without knowing your boundaries. Setting your mark before you enter the room is absolutely essential. It gives you a sense of perspective when things get heated. Every wise guy knows exactly how low, how high, how much, or how little he’s willing to budge. If he doesn’t, the exhaustion of the discussion will get the best of him. I’ve seen paisans on the verge of passing out from the intensity of a sit down. When it comes to that, they crave a deal so badly they’re willing to throw their family in at no extra charge. If you keep your mark in mind, and you stick to it, you’ll never get too lost.
Start high or stay firm:-

There are two schools of thought when it comes to negotiating, but they both come from the same principal. You want your adversaries to think they’ve come a long way, that they’ve made progress in their favor. If, for example, you’re asking a rivaling capo for a piece of territory, you start with a big chunk. You might only expect him to give up a couple of neighborhoods, but you ask for 10. When he gets you down to three, he feels he’s done a good job. The other method is staying firm. Ask for four neighborhoods, and show you’re tough to budge. If he can push you an inch, he’ll consider it a victory. But if you’re moving in on my territory, don’t expect much more than a club to the head.